A Kingdom with No King
by I'veAbandonedControl
Summary: The King did something terrible. Even though he feels he did nothing wrong, something in his gold heart still died. So he runs, exactly what his lover wants him to do. The words "You are nothing without me" turns into a simple chase and a haunting game.
1. Then he was gone

**Here is my version of "You are nothing without me." Its been buried deep but I am finally bringing it out there. Just to clarify things before hand, it's a short and hopefully simple enough story (not long like my others) and it becomes almost dark humoured, my typical style (I guess that's not something that needs to be clarified) but nonetheless I hope you enjoy ^_^ - Stranger **

**xxxx**

**A Kingdom with no King**

**_0_**

The land about them was as quiet as the men shifting within it, they who refused to speak even one word. There were no deafening sounds to be heard and the recent uproar had died out just before everything turned into an unsubtle mute. The only other matter the locals felt comfortable with doing was breathing. But even that was unnerving as they awaited the king's next move.

Alexander, the king of the world, stood in his royal red garb strictly staring at livid blue eyes, his mind eternally thriving for explanation.

Hephaistion, the general of his heart, stood in his grungy armor glaring right back clad in grime and dirt from the recent skirmish with he and another general of the army, his heart beating heavily from adrenaline.

The kingdom has never seen it before. The companions never thought the day would come. To some it was the most thrilling event. To others, it was a nightmare…as for the King, it was a mistake.

He had already turned his attention away from his mighty general Craterus and now all concentration was on his beautiful loyal friend.

Hephaistion wasn't quite sure what he had just heard but apart of him didn't want to believe it. It would have been more likely to hear it come from some other in the army but coming from the king, his best friend? A chuckle could have come followed by a grin at the absurdity of it.

Alexander didn't have any clue or valid reason for thoroughly expressing what he had just told his lover, but anger and pride stood where he stood not letting his kingliness break apart in front of all, and especially himself.

Silence lasted for sometime and when unsympathetic eyes of the king watched a trifling smile grow upon the strong unhurt features of his once loyal general, he decided to break all silence.

"What's that grin for?" Alexander shifted to another foot after he jeered in an angry blow.

The men quietly doing their job, which involved not saying a word could feel the separate tensions growing mildly between the noticeably two parting lovers but as for the king it was rising like a fume from a fire burning down an entire empire.

The general bowed his head and chuckled a little. He removed a string of his wild auburn hair that had fallen in his eyes after the little fight. "It is so like you to ruin yourself Alexander." He then looked into the eyes of his king. "And may the gods find pity on your soul when you realize your mistake."

Whispers came from the men who were doing a well job being the innocent bystanders. Words never sounded so real. It was unlike him to express it with such valor and this bothered the king greatly.

"I've ruined nothing Hephaistion! How dare you!" he spat with hate towards the man he couldn't always call lover, but always call friend.

Hephaistion shook his head and smiled beautifully. "Yes my king you have. Everyone gathered here now is our witness. But you are your own. Think about what you said and then when you reach me we can talk about your behavior and what you've done."

All were astounded at how the general reacted to the shameful words, but to Hephaistion it became just a game.

Unbelieving bodies watched the worthy general turn his back on his unworthy King. Normally it would be Alexander turning his back and this became even more frustrating as he growled at his distancing lover.

"Where do you think you are going?" the king's face fell not understanding what Hephaistion was doing by turning away from him.

"I will slow down the time but try to keep up Alexander. Let's see how long it takes for you to catch up with me." The general strayed ahead not looking back.

"You will be waiting a long time! A very long time!" The king shouted out verbally while General Ptolemy put his hand on the king's shoulder before he charged after General Hephaistion.

"Alexander let him go. He will return." The curled haired general tried to reason.

Alexander hated confrontation within his own camp. He didn't like any disagreements against his own word and he sure as hell didn't like any one turning their backs on him especially someone who shared his bed, his secrets, his heart and once his throne.

Hephaistion would soon be gone and Alexander pushed Ptolemy away from him, and the general disregarded his attempt remembering what happened to Parmenion, Philotas and Cleitus. The king's behavior was almost close to being infectious. "Come back here now Hephaistion!" The king ordered an attempt. He breathed heavily watching his resolute lover leave and in the meantime convinced himself that he would turn right back to him apologizing.

"Where does Hephaistion even have left to go?" The king's voice became a little shaky realizing his lover never might return back to him. "Who is going to take care of him? He doesn't have anything but a sword with him, no food no water and no horse. How can one pretend to even survive with nothing?"

"Alexander Hephaistion is a soldier, not a stay at home mother." Ptolemy spoke up. "he is just as prideful as you my king. You are the one he's learned it from. Let him go for now."

The king watched unscarred until he realized that Ptolemy was right. But letting him go was harder than he thought.

His friend had disappeared down the path and knowing him for a long time, there was no way Hephaistion would come back to him like some lap dog.

He eventually frowned in puzzlement. "What have I just done?" he asked general Ptolemy.

The event might as well have not even happened. Uncomfortable time flew by and the men finally spread out, leaving the scene unnoticed. Ptolemy sighed loudly and walked up next to Alexander placing a comforting hand on his tense shoulder again. "Don't worry old friend, Hephaistion just needs time. He's pretty stubborn but he will be back."

"I am not apologizing Ptolemy. I meant what I said." The king sniffed, already feeling the sadness started to emerge.

Ptolemy shook his head at his hardheaded king. "No you didn't Alexander. You are much better than that. You didn't mean one word of it."

"Then why did I say it." Alexander's eyebrows knitted as he concentrated hard towards the direction he saw his lover disappear.

"That's a question you have to answer for yourself." Ptolemy answered considerately.

"Will he come back?" It was noticeable to Ptolemy that the king was already overwhelmed with this one bad decision.

"He will. Just give it time." Ptolemy assured. He then turned to leave but realized the kings only focus was on the destination of his lover. "Alexander," the general chuckled. "It will be alright, he'll return."

"How can you be sure? I just distanced myself from the only one who was ever close to me. I already feel this loneliness and even though he isn't that far, I feel like we are miles apart, I isolated my world from his world."

Ptolemy bowed his head feeling his own sympathy for his young king as he listened to him with compassion. It was clear Alexander made stupid mistakes when it came to his lover but the only reason why he did make them is because he loved him. "Everything he owns is still here. I doubt he will leave it behind Alexander. If I ask you to rest on it you are probably going to answer no?"

"Ptolemy I won't rest until he's back!" Alexander uttered in agonizing grief as he pulled at his long golden hair in frustration.

The general smiled. He knew he would answer like that. "Would you like me to keep the guards on the alert for his arrival and to notify you when they see him return?"

"Yes." Alexander said lightly. "Thank you."

Ptolemy nodded. "What of Craterus. Shall I send him to your tent?"

The king nodded so unconscientiously it was hard to tell if that was an actual response.

Alexander thought about going after his friend but decided it was too late for apologies and too early for forgiveness. It would take much more time for Hephaistion to enter into his quarters and tell him that everything is fair between them.

Ptolemy stopped before he went through with the orders and turned back towards the lost king with now his own doubts. "What if I am wrong and he doesn't return. What will you do then?" the question was meant to be taken to heart and it calmed the general that Alexander actually considered the question instead of going off on his famous outbursts. Ptolemy wouldn't know what to do if Alexander lost it completely.

The king closed his eyes for a bit thinking of a way to answer. He didn't like the idea of Hephaistion never coming back home. He didn't like the idea of never seeing him again. He opened his pained eyes slowly.

"If he doesn't come back, then, then, I have to chase him and get him back myself. I believe it's what he wants." he spoke softly like a whisper to himself.

Ptolemy grew a small smile. "A kingdom without its king? It's uh…unheard of." He rubbed the back of his frizzy head almost nervously; knowing damn well Alexander was capable of pulling reckless stunts when it involved Hephaistion.

The king looked back at him. "A kingdom with no king is not of any concern to me. Alexander without his Hephaistion is." He then turned back towards the trail daring to stand there all night waiting for Hephaistion to return.

**_oooOooo_**

_"Hephaistion!"_

_He calls out his name while he runs opposite of the world in search for him. _

_I thought we would last forever…But you are so far ahead of me, now I know nothing ever does. That is why I am chasing you, killing my own breath, ripping out my own air in my lungs, just for you. _

…_Can you believe me now? You want me to hunt you and so I am. I will chase you, track your footsteps and play this little hide and go seek game with you because it is what you want and I will do it all until I have you back in my arms and in my heart..._

_Before I am dead and shattered lying pale in my own blood, sweat and tears that pour from my body, you will hear those words. I promise it. I will say it as loud as I can. I will say it for the mighty gods to hear over the thundering heavens in which they slumber. I want them to know that their king they have favored over the years is surrendering to you. All for you. Just for you. Because I love you. _

_Hephaistion, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. And since I did, this is the price that I am paying. _


	2. Loves Me Not

**A Kingdom with no King**

**_He loves me…Not_**

_O_

"_He loves me, he loves me not." _He caressed a soft part of nature in his battle worn hand_. _

Outside the world was bright and cheerful while inside his own little box, was drained with discoloration. Unhappiness flowed through his heart as he sat staring his royal life away. None dared to approach him after the parting of the general and he retreated immediately back to his tent whether he did it to hide his shame or just out of pure anger. Either way he refused to show himself. He didn't know what to do with such things on his mind. He had let him walk away and that was it. If he already felt bad he felt even worse now. Never had he felt such a mysterious pain before. He was known to survive many pains in battle, whether it was an arrow to the knee, a gash in the head or even just a sword in the heart.

He thought about at least a hundred of ways to keep his mind on the present, on his men, on his next march, but he couldn't do that with something as big as his other half removing himself from his life. Maybe it was the other way around. Maybe in reality the king actually left him.

He repeated oftenly in his head how stupid he was. Too let something as thick as gravel and as shiny as gold walk away was so stupid he growled. It was like giving up his own world to another King who couldn't earn it himself.

Was he too go for a walk, something Hephaistion had encouraged him to do when he got frustrated about something and just a little fresh air was the perfect medicine to ease his mind? How would that work without Hephaistion's support? It wouldn't he mused.

Was he supposed to put his mind on some sort of pleasure? The Persian boy was always available; the king bounced his eyes from his desk as he stared at nothing in particular then straight to the fragile blacked haired boy standing at the foot of his bed awaiting another order. He sighed and figured he wasn't out to get revenge on Hephaistion. That would only hurt him more.

The king dropped his head and dismissed the eunuch deciding maybe he needed to be alone with his thoughts, because as far as he knew they weren't going anywhere profound.

"_He loves me…he loves me not_." He rubbed his eyes that were becoming wet with out his permission and began to feel a sense of loneliness. But he fought them back. He couldn't let his men see him this weak, this fragile over a man they thought was not important in the army. He was a ruler, a king, the greatest of his time, not a crier. He had to be strong. He had to be that man his father always wanted him to be. The king his mother always thought he was since he was born from her womb.

The first thing he had noticed was that he did already fail at being strong. He failed at everything unless that one familiar smile inspired him to succeed.

Alexander had been sitting with tears falling until dusk while the burning sun was finally setting from the orange majestic sky.

"_He loves me." _

We all know sorry doesn't cut it. It was late and the kingdom was close to falling in deep slumber until the morning said otherwise. And still no sign of Hephaistion.

Empty. Is what he felt. Silence is what he heard. At around this time he would have left Roxanna's bed feeling no better than when he had entered it.

"_He loves me not_…" He watched a tiny tear fall upon the petal as it hit the ground.

Alexander watched from his bed through a peek of his unclosed tent. He watched some of his soldiers chatting happily with other fighters and soldiers around a camp fire, while he tore soft petals from a delicate flower one by one frivolously. How pathetic he felt in his own land. How small he felt. Everyone was having a better time than he was but it was something he found understandable. They have followed him through the core of the earth longing for their love ones and families while he had his loved one always side by side with him. They knew how to move on, where he was never given the opportunity until now. But he couldn't move on for the life of him. He had just told Hephaistion that he was nothing without him and now look at him crying like a love sick sensitive little girl.

Regret. He was feeling angry with himself and less so for Hephaistion who would have again ended up sleeping alone that night in his cold tent because he couldn't be there to keep it warm. He began to realize every mistake he had made with Hephaistion and then he came to realize as the sun leaked away slowly from the inside of his tent finally leaving him in the pure darkness that Hephaistion didn't love him anymore. He wasn't going to come back. To come back would mean to face him and prove that he was indeed worthless in the army but everyone knew, no matter how much they assumed it, that Hephaistion wasn't an ounce worthless…that's why he wasn't anywhere in reach of him.

"_He loves me not...and never will again."_ He dropped the remaining flower he had torn apart to the ground finding it useless. The flower was as dead as Hephaistion's love for him.

_X_

Ptolemy strolled towards the king's tent before taking off to his own so that he can get his own rest, just to see how things were. Phillip their physician had gave him news that the king was dehydrating himself from crying all night and the curled haired general couldn't help but laugh at how dramatic that sounded. It was awkwardly quiet he thought especially for Alexander who was usually flaunted a firestorm of a personality.

The two guards standing by let him through and Ptolemy entered formally. "Alexander." The general bowed slightly as he watched his king pace back and forth like a mad man. It was clear that the man hadn't slept yet. He knew when there was something major on his mind. He was just glad that the king hadn't turned the kingdom mad yet with his own anger and despair that he liked to put on others to have everybody else suffer as much as he.

"Your highness, I understand that it is hard but you must stop thinking about it and get some well worth rest. It isn't healthy for your state of mind to be on your friend all night."

"What if he's hurt?" Alexander said worried biting his nails.

Ptolemy exhaled quietly. Alexander was silly to think Hephaistion would just walk away like that and not know how to take care of himself. "If you like we can send a search team."

"No!" Alexander answered abruptly while stopping his nervous strides. "I have to allow him to be free from me. Just for right now." It was earnest enough and Ptolemy accepted it. Besides he couldn't imagine the look on the men's faces if Alexander had followed through with that suggestion.

"Alexander?" Ptolemy spoke quietly. "Rest please. You need it for tomorrow." It was the most advice a friend could ask for at this time of night. There was no doubt the morning would come quick.

The king just nodded positively. They turned to see Bagoas standing before the tent and Alexander nodded to him to come in but saying nothing by mouth.

"Things will get better." Ptolemy smiled only getting a weaker one in reply and before the general opened the flaps to step out; Alexander picked up the abandoned flower stem on the ground and viewed it sharply like he was trying to figure out an enemy's next move. "Wait Ptolemy." He said with a gravelly throat and looked secretly over to Bagoas and then him again.

"Yes Alexander. What can I do for you?" The curled haired man gratified.

The king was quiet at first and non responsive only looking at the palms of his hands and Ptolemy knew what was coming next seeing the slight nod and flicker in the kings distorted eyes. "Yes, your majesty." He answered. He was hesitant at first but bowed and left. There wasn't anything he could do against the king's orders so he followed through with it.

He was ordered to bring back the strongest of wine.

Alexander was feeling bad, his stomach ached and he didn't even feel like drinking but some things couldn't be helped. His throat was in a knot, it was dry and his head was spinning out of control and he couldn't for his own sake get the image out of his head when he saw him walk away. By now he thought he lost him forever and he knew, somewhere deep within him, he knew he would have deserved it anyway for all the terrible things he had put Hephaistion through most of the time giving him little choice. Why they ever happened was beyond his understanding. One point in time he thought they were meant to be. Now... he wasn't so sure.

Letting disappointment overshadow him, he drank the wine after it was brought to his quarters. He drank it all…even if his body couldn't handle it. Bagoas watched the king drown himself in the evergrowing despair. It only meant a bad night for him. The only one used to the king's drunken behavior wasn't present at the moment.

The night shifted eerily and the eyes of the king had fluttered closed, possessed under the deep spell of Hypnos, the god of sleep and dreams.

**_xxxxxxXxxxxxx_**

_For him, _

_I am running down what feels like a never ending path. The fog is the only thing visible to me. I am running because I had just done something terrible. The most terrible thing I have ever done. Never before would I have ever thought the grace to say something ever like that to him. They say I am brave because everyone else says I am brave, that I have a heart like a shield and the mind of a Titan, but who can believe that now. Believe it or not I had just encountered one of the scariest and most terrifying minutes of my life. I haven't been afraid of anything until now, not even of my mothers foul slithering snakes she let me sleep with when I was young and naive, not even my dads angry voice when he condemned me for doing something wrong or ill towards him had. I was never frightened…but now I find myself running away from the one thing, the only thing, I always wished I never had and chasing the one thing I've always needed and wanted._

_Maybe you know who it involves or maybe you don't but I will tell you anyway. I want you to follow me down this path of the only proof of my love towards the one I just hurt._


	3. Strips Me

**A Kingdom with no King**

_He's the Hunter Who Strips Me Asleep..._

**_O_**

_I pretend I don't hear it. The sound of angry scowling erupts through my ears again and I shut tightly my eyes forcing my own sleep. I stay there and try my best not to move…make a sound. I know who's waiting at the door. I know who found me. He slurs my name. Cautiously and slowly I open my lids already knowing the reason for the interference. _

_The one storms through the door. I hear the hoarse breathing of my king who should be asleep. But he has been asleep…for too long. I can just never wake him up._

_Things were supposed to change. It was something that had me perplexed ever since the king had pushed the men further, and after his drinking became undoable. __But it shouldn't have been a surprise that things had gotten worst, more violent and more disturbing. It never used to be this bad but after the death of Cleitus, Alexander changed. Becoming unrecognizable before his men and before me._

_I now hear the footsteps trailing across the floor and I slowly sink into the covers. _

_Blue eyes are petrified to stare up at his king. Every night I force myself to believe it would leisurely get better, but now that my king's days had been getting worse and more wine was involved, my eerie nights with interrupted sleep remain._

"_Hephaistion." The command of his tone shudders through my spine._

_But my blue eyes stay quiet. _

_The king raises his hand to my hair and takes the strings from my soft face. The smallest touch almost has me flinch. I have become terrified of him now, feeling like the only thing left to do is hide...but how. Noone could run from Alexander. Not Darius. Not the gods. Not me. _

_I am fully aware and my quivering body shuns against the silky fabric feeling the familiar but unfamiliar lips of my king up against my neck biting and sucking away like he thirsts for my blood. The hairs on my body stand upright amongst my goose bumped skin and I feel more and more violated and sucked in with nowhere to go. _

_My king's embrace has become stronger, more possesive. __I've only ever wanted to escape the one touch of Alexander, even for just one night. _

_People always told me that I was the one with the blue eyes; with eyes like mine you can see anything, like emotions I hoped to keep deep within myself. But I have never been able to hide away from this man. This king. Never was I given the opportunity._

_He sighs in exasperation as I jerk inches from him, telling him to go. "Shh, calm down Phai. I''m not here to hurt you." he tells me._

_His body clashes once more against mine and I feel his sleeping heart hammer against my own chest. _

_I have always and always had been acceptant of Alexander and his ways, even accepting that my king's dream had finally came and settled. The dream that had been cupped for the world since the very beginning. But now I don't know what to do. How could I be frightened of the one I love most. _

_Just one step forward, one hand nearer, robs me of my life. My sanity as his gets worse. _

_His lips still wet my throat and his arm wraps constructively around my belly. I just want to scream and break my kings sleeping free. The one with the golden hair becomes hollow, less sentimental, towards my feelings. His mind full of lonely ambition, killing slowly his own heart out._

_He hovers over me and lowers his weight trapping me between the sheets impatiently waiting to trespass the inner walls of my pleasure. Alexander then closes unaquainted eyes, running calloused hands slowly down and seizing my throat. "Obey me." he says against my struggles. _

"_Would you hurt me again?" I with the blue eyes ask, boldly. _

"_I've always cared for you. Why would I hurt you?" the king responds passively. _

"_You don't show it. You've stopped." I answer. _

"Y_ou felt you were free forever. You will never be free from me." The king whispers warmly against my now parted lips. He forces his sex inside me. I feel the blue eyes he loves so much failing on me, draining. I feel the voice he loves, whimpering, calling out for him to stop. _

_I seldom lurk but often love but the king shows me no disgrace and no regret. The depths of his eyes become cracked and broken and his body shatters in possession and lust. He tightly restricts me. "Who am I Hephaistion. To you?"_

_Disgust and hate trace upon my strong features_. _"My king is vacant. He doesn't remember me, not one bit. My king is free now, free from my love and heart. My king is completely destroyed. The Alexander I want is always asleep when I need him most. To save me from you. Because you refuse to set him free. After this night he will remember nothing because it's not Alexander. Just the king he has become as he strips me asleep."_

_The king laughs. He strips me of all clothing, takes me predatorily, satisfying his own needs as I give up my tormented body lying firm. "Answer me this, who am I to you Alexander?" I ask curiously, salty tears coming slipping down my pale skin. _

"_You are nothing with out me!" The king repeats those words again after he is done with me and tosses me aside leaving me naked on the bed alone for another night...only to start the night all over again…_

**_o_**

In the kingdom where a large stoned palace was centered, an enchanting star strode down the darkly gloomed corridor. The sheepish moon had blessed him with light and he paced silently by the sleeping king and went to go overlook the city from a steep terrace where the hall ends. He smiles at the world and turns and looks sadly at his fallen love. _Alex…_

The whisper emerged throughout the air like a fresh melody.

It's no longer the king and Alexander finally awakes from his long napping and calls for him.

"Phai!" The king shot open his disillusioned eyes from the nightmare. He panted as if starving for the air to circulate through his lungs. His heart hastened.

What was supposed to be a simple rest ended up escalating into something else. The words again…the words he hated as much as himself. He couldn't seem to get rid of them.

His hands met at the side of his head and he cringed, shutting his eyes tight, teeth gritted, like someone was shouting in his ear. His eyes were foggy and red from the tears, before he had fallen into a nights slumber. His throat was sore and his skin sweaty caused from heat and anxiety, damping his long messy locks as it stuck to his neck and face.

His hangover wasn't serving him well and apparently neither was his dreams, causing him all sorts of delusions.

He shivered against the cold air and chills sent down his body causing his skin to form little bumps. It took him less time to realize he was somewhere other than his tent than to adjust his focus from the wine still running through his blood.

He groaned in pain, his head aching feeling like someone was pounding his skull into little pieces. He should have been used to it considering his past with the anonymity of the strong substance but found him mentally and physically struggling, forcing his liquid filled body to rise. He pushed himself leaning up from the solid ground beneath him, hunching over grunting with an inner distaste ready to empty his stomach from the poision. Seeing as it never came as much as his stomach was boiling, he then checked his surroundings. He glanced around, mouth clenched, disbelieving his location.

He was sprawled centered in the middle of the corridor at his own palace in Babylon. A place he and his men were, last time he checked, miles and miles from. It was empty it seemed, the never before heard silence being his proof.

He wasn't fully clad in his royal garb he wore to bed. He wasn't nude either. He was actually looking and feeling quite unremarkable, unremarkable to the point that he was dressed in a plain chiton looking apart of the common people. He was detached of his imperial rich jewels gifted to him from the lower class and from his majestic crown.

He held out his hands, surveying himself, making sure he was actually real, still not understanding his own confusion.

_But what was he doing there..._Frustrated he slammed the cold surface, then darting his eyes, he gazed tranced down the hall. His grey eyes becoming alarmed.

Straight ahead he found his lover leaning on the balcony staring out towards the darkness of the sky. He appeared to be an angel of the night keeping quietly to himself.

"Hephaistion?" Alexander frowned in surprise. He gave a quick smile happy to see him, _but no_… _it couldn't be him. He left. He watched him leave_ the king thought before making any moves. "Phai...have you come back?"

His lover is silent and the king called out to him again getting to his feet and anxiously taking a feeble step forward looking uncertain.

His lover finally turned towards his king and smiled adoringly, holding out a hand. _"Come Alex! You've been asleep for too long now. It's time to get up. I need to show you something." _

Alexander's breathing stops, watching the man of his dreams look upon him so sweetly. He is staring still undecided. He felt like he was in some weird fantasy as his lover laughed playfully and guides him with finger to follow. The happy brunette then disappears down another hall, into bitter fog.

The king felt his heart start up again and his breathing came unsteady as he watched unclearly his lover run from his eyesight. "Phai." Before he knew it he allowed himself to go after him running to catch up... running so that he didn't lose him again. He slowed down his pace turning the corner, looking down the hall where his lover was no longer seen due to the path blaring in shady mist. He took one long breath before stepping slowly through the murky corridor, seeing nothing, only following his lovers pure voice. He hated not being able to make out anything ahead of him and growls at the fog trying to swipe away the cool air so that he can see his lover. But it only came swirling slowly back. He began to run, getting impatient as he shouted out his lover's name again, desperately wanting to touch him. Rushing to get to him. Wanting to get a better look at him.

He finally reached the end of the blurring corridor and stumbled finding himself beyond the gates of the palace and in the outer surface, leading into the woods. He looks down hearing his steps crunching amongst the fallen leaves and twigs from the bare dead trees in the hollow forest. He becomes skittish. "Phai!" he shouts. He calls frustrated as he searches around for him. It's still slighty misty and the cold air tingles his senses. "Hephaistion! I'm not liking this game." his voice thunders through the empty woodland. Not a creature to be heard. Not a single bird in the trees. Alexander starts to lurk, slowly not making any sudden movements incase he was under attack.

_Alexander..._his ears perk and his name is all he hears echoing among the forest. The troubled king continues searching, now moving hastily through the wrestling trees towards the abrupting sound. He becomes the hunter. Hunting for him.

Something urges him forward and he continues looking for his friend, doing his best to fight the blurry night. But he finds himself walking in circles always starting the same way he came in. He grabs at his hair growing confused and lost in the moonlit world. There is no sign of his friend. Almost like he was simply a figment of his imagination. He dropped to his knees shouting in aggravation, pounding hard with angry fists at the soil. This was just another dream, so why can't he just wake up. _Wake up Alexander. You just drank too much. This isn't real. Hephaistion hasn't returned. He won't return_. He runs over and over...

_Alexander what are you doing. Are you crying again_?

The king wipes annoyed tears away and stands pointing angrily at his lover, finding him standing calmly next to a tree. Blue eyes innocent. "What game are you playing?" he accuses. "Tell me."

The king starts to strut his way towards him. "Hephaistion tell me!"

_"I called out your name but you didn't come."_

Before he can move any closer, the king now finds himself stuck in a black puddle of water, the liquid rising around his ankles, keeping him there. Out of reach from his lover. "I did come. I'm here. For you. Just come with me." he reached out to his friend while struggling to lift his legs but finds out he is trapped.

"_Who am I too you Alexander?" Curious blue eyes falling with unemotional tears onto salty pale skin. _

"You know that answer." Alexander replied regretful.

_The brunette shakes his head. "No I don't. I want to know the truth."_

_Alexander tries to step out from the deep puddle again and to no avail does the hunter reach his friend as Hephaistion takes him and kisses him softly, then backs away from his view deeper through the wide woods, disappearing altogether. _

_"Phai, come back!" The king finds himself sinking in the black water and awaking in another nightmare. _

_**oooOooo**_

_Phai,_

_You might aswell be a fallen star. And I can't find you. You've landed at the end of the world waiting for me and I am sorry I can't make it. Not like this. Not when the light you shine is so bright. I've become blinded. How can I have you back if I can't touch you? If I can't see you? I've allowed myself to be hidden under the shadow of your heart and I am the reason for my own darkness._

_It still hardens my soul thinking back at what I've done. Why? Because I just want you to understand what I go through every day of my life just loving you. Only a few understand… none actually completely, but I think you will understand me the most._

_Why you? Because you are the only other person who knows me. I mean really, really knows me. Why you? Because you are the one who was hurt by me._

_I should have kept my mouth as silent as a sleeping mother cradling her little baby in her arms._

_You must be surprised. You must hate me. I'm as surprised as you. I didn't believe it was happening. I didn't believe it already did. It was as unexpected as the day I might be portrayed as ever rational..but still it couldn't be happening; terms pronounced so strong just don't slip like that from someone unless it was true. What was I thinking? I wasn't. I was just a lost man and you became my worthy rival. Hephaistion, you abandoned me and now I almost feel...A little human again._

_Yes. Can you believe it, me human? I never thought of the day. No more dreaming of that day._

_It hasn't even been a full day since I lost you. Since you lost me. And I am sure you remember those words. Of course you do, everyone was there. Everyone heard it. It was even more unpleasant to hear it on such a beautiful day, on what I thought was going to be a good day, with the burning sun high above the world, creating the crimson sky. The color of my glory. The color of your beauty. But no… all glory we share fades because of me. Now I am stuck in this twilight…your footprints are blown out…so what do I look to. what? If you tell me I might find hope. If you tell me, I might fall in love all over. _

_But I'm doing the hunting...I'm the hunter._


	4. The Devil you know and Love

_**A Kingdom with no King**_

_The Devils Kiss_

_O_

Found in another hallucination, Alexander jolted from his sleep again fighting for air. He thought he was drenched in water but it was only sticky sweat from his fever. He found himself back in his tent where it all started and was relieved for a minute. The empty wine chalice he must have let fall from his hands was lying next to the side of his bed.

He sprung up quickly and moved towards the tent flap peeking out. All his men must be asleep. The camp fire had been put out and it was as silent as a grave. There was no sign of Bagoas and or any guards just the way he left it. He paced back in and began removing his clothing, and washing off. He wanted to take a walk and make sure everything was as it seemed. Real. He didn't care even if it was way after dark.

The last thing he remembered was drowning in deep water reaching for the moon, his Phai, looking sadly through the waters, waving goodbye to him, watching him fight the demons of the underworld, laughing mockingly while pulling him under. He sighed.

He sniffed already feeling a sickness coming in, then dabbed his face with a cloth.

He thought the dream was over but couldn't make himself believe it actually was even though it felt it. There were many ways he could look at it but even if he was this great thinker, this praised tactician, he feared he couldn't get his way out of this one…He really didn't know what reality was anymore.

He got himself ready and turned to leave but stopped.

Someone was watching him from the entry of his tent, as a dark and shadowed silhouette and he sensed it, taking his sword from the side of his bed and aiming it towards the intruder.

All he could do was stay put and listen to his own heart beat within his chest. He wasn't scared though, no matter how well he can betray himself in the dark. "Who are you? Show yourself?" he demanded, holding his blade tight within his grasp.

"_Put the sword away Alex." _The shadow emerged from the position._ "You know me. I'm the one you are blaming for all your problems."_

Alexander couldn't believe his eyes when the man exposed himself to the light. "No, why?" He frowned. Things were just getting worse. He knew this man. He knew this devil. "Get out. Or I will call my guards."

"_My, my, you are delusional little brat. Remember you sent them away, you weren't to be disturbed. I remember, well because technically we are the same people."_

Alexander scoffed and cursed the god who put him to sleep in the first place. "Now even the gods hate me." He uttered then began pacing around his tent in circles trying his best to ignore the uncanny presence of himself. "This isn't happening. Go away!" he commanded again this time more miserably.

He noticed the ground beneath his feet was rough and uneven just like the instability of his own actions and couldn't get himself to face the king in him.

King Alexandros stepped peering in with his unwelcome company laughing a little to himself pretending to admire the inside of the tent. Alexander looked back to him cautiously and the king looked right back at him. They dangerously shared the same stare almost like they were mocking the other.

"_We resemble each other pretty well I must say, even if we are complete opposites."_

Alexander clung on tight to his robe fidgeting nervously with the thin fabric. "This isn't real, so what am I worried about."

Consciously they both began to move under their own steam in the dark.

"_Oh come on little prince. You are shaking under your skin. You are as confused as one can get. But I can help you if you let me."_

"You did this to us."

"_I did nothing. If you want to awaken from this dream you need to move on. Get over Hephaistion."_

Alexander covered his ears trying to destroy all the noises in his head. "Wake up, wake up. He is not here. Get over it. Get over those words."

He started to try and reflect back passively on something else, even if that meant to turn around and walk back in the direction of his home. His original home. Not Asia. Not India. And no more of Phai's heart. For there was no room left for him.

But he didn't find himself leaving the tent. He stayed. Of course he stayed. He was locked in a dream. Every where he was haunted.

"_Look at you. You want to run so bad. You want to get your life back but you realize you can't because you are stuck in regret. We all know you can't run, anywhere else because like me you do not have the ability to slow down and turn away from everything we've earned together. That means losing it all." _

"Get out of my head. I am going to get him back. I don't care what you say otherwise."

"_How can you recognize your own decision? I can read right through you. You don't want him back." _Alexandros smirks and cocks his head when his other self glares despise at him. Then the two begin to saunter like predators surrounding the dark tent they used to share together, always with their lover.

The only light shining are from the rich vibrant torches before the small tent entrance.

"_It doesn't have to be this dark." He smoothly spoke. "Share some light with me Alexander."_

"I need it dark, the way I prefer it when I am in such a wretched state, all because of you. You ruined me and for good this time."

"_Face it. We were right to let him go. He is nothing without us. Our men know it and you do. Why can't you accept that?"_

His dark thoughts chant and become hidden deep within Alexander's head, tempting him. _Let him go._ Alexandros broke the solid emerging silence. _"Tell me, do you want to spend your life without me?" _

The words fell from him like a river singing. As beautiful as rivers were Alexander only saw his treacherous whites smile, his glowering dazzling eyes and his edged lit blonde curls. Everything else upon his once magnificent face is shed in deep shadows. "I can no longer compare myself with you. You're making me sick." He knew he was talking mostly about himself. He knew he was caught up his own ass when he said the words. Truth was he was careless. "I should have expected you to say something so careless. How could you?" he redirects to himself.

"_We are one in the same. We're careless people. If Hephaistion can't accept that then the little flower doesn't deserve us." _He shrugged.

"I see what you are trying to do. You're making it his fault." Alexander smirked. "You can't trick me. Like you said, we are the same."

"_You can't hate the truth."_

Alexander wanted it all to just end. "There is no truth." He growled. "The truth was I put on a scene, if I could have even called it that. You and I should know most of all how he felt because we know him best."

"_Cry me a river. He used us for everything he got."_

"What is going on in your over indulged skull to actually believe that. He left with nothing, no money, food. He took nothing of me."

"_He took our heart."_

"It's my problem. I didn't want people to believe that I couldn't control my own men. My own army. Even Hephaistion. But what I said is what is going to destroy me forever. Not him."

So far there was just enough damage caused to his shame as the despicable king painted on a glaring smile upon the wickedly strained face. _"You are even weaker than I imagine."_

"Don't patronize me!" He shouts twisting in all anger as his other self antagonizes him. "This is another test."

They stop in their steps and reverse. They begin to walk the other way within their little match. _"Okay goldilocks, I hope you learn from this test."_

"I am." He tells him daringly. "Now please leave me. I have much to think about."

"_Why such a vile look little Alexander?" _He focuses on the raging eyes and spits the name. _"I am your king."_

"My name shall no longer aloud to be spoken due to it being abused in dishonor."

"_Do you despise me that much."_

"I remember getting angry and coming to my own tent. I fell asleep, I woke up. Now you enter without my permission. Do I have not the right to be angry at your kingliness? Can I not despise you for a day? What more can I say. I do not like you right now. I wish to be alone with my thoughts!"

"_Temper, temper. Hephaistion doesn't care about us. He walked away from you. How does that make you feel?"_

"How am I supposed to feel, he's the one who was humiliated?"

The king eyed Alexander like a man possessed by something more than just a god. They both took another sly step closer and a silly smile plastered upon his mug.

"_It sounds like you hate me Why? After everything I do for you." _He hissed_. _

"What do you do for me? You do nothing but ruin me and embarrass me in front of everybody. You always tell me I am weak."

He laughs wildly _"Because you are. Just like your father."_

Alexander said nothing letting the anger destruct, lurching at the king wrapping impenetrable hands around his throat and hoping to the gods he murdered him clean and quick. Alexandros threw the first blow and Alexander threw the second, taking each other down until they hit the ground of the tent.

They wrestled and fought like angry savages, but Alexander was restrained, the king in him, grasping him tight. "_So we fight again until we make all things right? Isn't it such a pity nothing ever goes the way you want it as long as I'm around. I am greater than you and stronger. You love who you became. Admit it." _

"No."

"_You are in love with me. You are in love with yourself."_

"No!"

"_A kiss says it all."_

Alexander stopped squirming beneath the king and they faced each other, participating in a little game of hide and seek in the midst of their defiant absorbing eyes. Alexandros leaned in and kissed Alexander on the lips leaving behind a wicked taste. _"See all better."_

When a sweet silent whistling sound came from outside the tent the king released his hand around Alexander's throat and backed breaking away from the kiss. They turned to see the man they were fighting over standing at the access, head slanted looking to them weirdly. The man whistling the beautiful noise, stopped. _"Are you two fighting again?"_

"Hephaistion." Alexander shoved the king from him and stood. "Come with me. Let's go, we will make this better." His lover looked as pale as ghost and it was cold to even look at him.

"_No listen to me Alexander, you've lost him. He's the one who broke your heart, so be who you are!."_ The king holds out his hand and appearing in it comes a red chalice of black poisoned wine. "_Drink Alexander. I'm sure your bad luck will come to an end. Very soon. Fall back asleep and don't wake up." Alexandros whispers into his right ear. _

_Hephaistion shakes his head. "Don't Alexander."_

Alexander hesitantly took the cup and stared deep within the black wine. Thick feared eyes flickered, searching for his soul but found his own desolation.

"_It's okay love. Put the drink down." Hephaistion whispered lovingly into his other ear. "You will get another chance with me I promise. All you have to do is say it."_

Whispers telling him to drink up are screaming in his head. He takes the wine to his lips and the king leans closer caressing the blonde locks with his evil lips. _"Remember my litltle prince, he is nothing with out you."_

Hephaistion leans in and smiles against Alexander's cheek making him shiver. _"Remember my Achilles, You are nothing without me."_

Alexander suddenly felt hopeless. He lets the wine slip from his hand, watching it slowly spill, watching the wine sink into the ground, watching it disappear, like his lover at his left and the king at his right.

_You're not ready for me yet Alexander. You haven't caught me._

Alexander looks up and stares towards nothing.

_**oooOooo**_

_Everything is a mess, I have come to confess. I sold out all my beliefs; I'm a liar and a cheat…Searched my soul in despair, callused heart is rubbed bare. How I wish to believe, in your innocent dreams…_

_Delicate love, precious and pale, tempted and torn, broken and failed, d__on't leave me here, don't leave me alone... I am the one, The devil you know…_

_I'm your man on the cross, I'm the soul you have lost, I'm the choice you regret, one you wish to forget..._

_Lover broken and sad, Lost the dreams that you had, how I wish I could be everything that you need... _

_My beautiful Phai, don't leave me here. Don't leave me alone…__  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong><em>Inspired by The devil you know by Econoline Crush (second favorite band behind 30stm ^_^)-Stranger<em>**


	5. Catch Me Alex, That's all

**A Kingdom with no King**

_Catch Me..._

_O_

_You are nothing without me_ and once the king who birthed them swallowed in his own pity, the sky had bled red…

The storm is screeching. The two resembling blondes are sitting hands and feet constrained. Shackled, in a dry mountainous desert, back to back. They are ignorant of the locality as there unbalanced eyes keep fastened from a previous dream.

The red air becomes strong. Stronger…Sending deep waves of sand raging in all directions.

Alexander awakens first, opening heavy lids to the indistinct dry world around him. Golden eyelashes flutter. The light of his eyes compares to the sun just along the horizon. He looks up and winces feeling nothing but bits of hard sand hitting against his restricted skin. He hisses, eyes stinging. He accidentally bumps the unconscious king leaning stiffly against him.

The king jerks awake exposing his dark eyes to the hard winds, and immediately throws his eyes back closed. "Where are we? Arabia?" he asks spitting out grains that lands inside his mouth.

"I don't know. If this is how Arabia looks I refuse to come here." Alexander says messing with the chains and fighting the wind and earth to keep back.

"Ha!" the king scowls. "Some conqueror you are."

"Spare me the speech. You are the reason why we are in this mess." Alexander grunts, struggles to stand but realizes the attempt is worthless as the winds force him back onto the grainy surface.

"Where is this force coming from? The gods?" Now the king attempts to stand and he realizes it's even harder with the shackles that connects ankle to ankle and wrist to wrist. "I fell like a slave to the earth." He growls and tries to take apart the chains. He pulls and tugs, tries and tries, but gives up.

"There's no point, don't waste your time and energy. We are done for. I'm losing what I don't deserve anyway." The luscious blondes of the cheerless man wraps unwillingly across his tan face. It hides his distressed sight.

The king drops his hands into his lap and glares at the distance ahead of them.

Alexander let's out a deep sigh. He becomes teary eyed.

"Are you going to cry on me? Dying in the desert doesn't sound bad. "

"Why did you have to ruin us, you infected mouthed swine?" Alexander shouts feeling angry and upset. His voice of failure echoes through the land. "I will get him back. I promise you that. You are not allowed to have him anymore."

"But that isn't up to you to decide. I will get him first." the king is confident.

They both look up in the sky. This is their punishment. They reminiscence through the blustery weather….the sands tell the time…the red earth darkens more with his lovers blood.

The man who put them there walks into there sun and across there shadows. He's draped in a loose-fitting red noble gown. Blue imperial eyes outlines in ash as black as night. Soft lustrous locks pulls back exposing charming features. He stands tall with a never seen beauty. But the monarch doesn't let them off that easy. _"Awake…"_

Both blondes expose they're eyes again to the light. Behold, they see a god sitting mightily on his radiant throne. Leg thrown over the arm rest, feeding himself a vine of grapes. Eyes lit and piercing sharply at them. Two growling raven blacked panthers lying lazily on both sides of his magnificence. The sorcerer blows a kiss at his king and friend.

They feel the earth booming beneath them. Thumping, vibrating like an army from Hades marching underground.

Down a line towards the god, two rows of slaves appear entranced to the sound of their own drums as they beat the heavy barrels. Making a hum, pleasing to the one who owns the throne.

"_Who desires me most? Can you reach me?" _The sorcerer elegantly speaks.

Corrupted by his beauty and desire the two blondes rise, standing besides the other looking the sorcerer's way.

"Will you be able to catch up with me?" The king scorns Alexander with a smirk of conceit.

The two eye each other challengingly.

His lesser self chuckles. "You might be able to run through fire, but I can run forever."

_Ready? _The gods enchanting voice echoes.

Beads of sweat fall from the chasers foreheads. It reunites with the sand. They bend and get in footing position.

The slaves stop the beating.

Slowly raising his head the sorcerer gets a good look at the two, burning ready like hurricane. His head high and eyes on the focal point. The beauty raises his hand high in the air. _Go._ The whisper slurs through the wasteland.

The two growl aggressively. They pull with all their strength at the cuffs constraining them. Their veins pumping powerfully.

The rhythm of the drums begin. Shattering, the chains detach and break apart by the force of their strength. The heavy shackles fall and sink into the golden desert.

The beautiful monarch conceals a graceful smile. He watches the two run like mad. He watches the two hungry lion's grape and fold back the ground as they race towards his heart.

But he still remains unsatisfied. He chuckles with mischief. He lifts a royal hand high and snaps with two graceful fingers. The shiny glistening sand begins to swirl and twist.

He watches as the two ravenous lion's struggle with all of their might and power against the majestic winds.

The sand churns beneath their feet and acts as hands. Pulling and tugging on their strongly ripped legs and arms keeping them from reaching the beauty at his throne. Alexander gets dragged down. The king follows after. They fight the quicksand like two mighty titans growling and swiping at each other.

The golden storm picks up. _Heavier_. The two competitors are blinded by the sandy pebbles. Being molested by the soil. Being wrapped and taken in the depths of the land.

The slaves play their hearts out. The two panthers roar in excitement. The ground still thrashing. The handsome immortalized sorcerer speaks as the lions sink more in the earth.

Their golden eyes swell in heat, fury, lust and love as they continue the race.

_Catch me_. He smiles with a trick. The undying beauty then runs away from his throne and towards the horizon.

Alexander fights the earth first and desperately pulls up. Nothing will hold him back. He continues to run towards his lover. The king's jealousy rises. He struggles but manages to pull himself out of the rushing sand and runs right after the shadow of himself through the sandstorm flogging their senses.

They run and run. The sorcerer stammers with the sight of the animals still racing at his mercy.

Alexander finds himself catching up. To his brave and strong soldier. His companion and lover. His Phai. He turns back and glances at the king miles behind him and he smiles. "I have you. I finally have you." He is now content. He reaches the god. He wraps his loving arms around him making sure to never let him go. He hears the beautiful laugh of his friend. The fondness of his scent. The soft skin. The brutal brown hair. He's never missed anything so much before.

_The chase ends. The king loses and disappears in defeat along with the storm, as it calms. _

Phai turns and looks to him. Alexander runs rough heavy fingers down his face. _But he feels different. Not like from this world. Almost like a mirage_…Alexander eyes had been tricked..._and the god vanishes at his touch._

The sun finally drops. Alexander is left in the dark by himself. _He thought he had him._ He looks over at the quiet empty land and sighs. _I had you._

_Where has the time gone_…"Where are you Phai?" He sat and looked back up in the peaceful sky towards the silver moon. He let sand fall from between his fingers and heard his lovers last whispers.

_You thought I was down. You thought I was gone. You thought I was around. I thought I left you alone. Just look up in the sky and see that I'm everywhere, shining down on you..._

_O_

Hephaistion seemed to be in a delighted mood going on his tenth mission in a week it seemed. Of course it was an exaggeration but if his king knew his friend at all, he knew that he enjoyed the busy life of sweat and hard work. The general was considered to many, handsome, even more handsome than himself and in many eyes it was no false lie but not one ever thought him capable a working man until he proved it otherwise or they saw it for themselves.

Alexander hated the feeling of missing his friend but was glad he had the chance to see him off, while not busy with his other duties. If he could relive his life over, he would just want to enjoy every second he had spent with his childhood friend. _And never let him go. _

The smiling general snatched his horse's reigns after giving some random orders to two pages and eased over towards where his king was seeing him off.

Alexander tried to smile as profoundly as he could; hiding his resentment that it was another mission apart. "You seem far confident about this mission Phai."

The general pouted teasingly trying to hold in a smile. "I hate to say goodbye like this."

Alexander nudged him playfully before scoffing. "You'll be back before you know it and as always I will be waiting for your return."

"There are never any promises that I will return from a mission Alexander." Hephaistion remarked.

"You'd have me worried?" The king laughed softly then proceeded with crossing his arms across his royal chest. "The only ones who would be suffering are the men. They wouldn't be able to stand nights with me alone, with no one to keep me consumed within a focused state." The blonde admitted.

Hephaistion chuckled lightly after he and Alexander took a quick glance at the generals.

The two laughed like they once did as children and then they became silent, one not knowing what else to say other than _goodbye._

Then the general sighed along the earthy winds, his hair flapping in his face. "I will miss you Alexander."

The king frowned glancing towards heartfelt blue eyes. "You say that as if you are never coming back." Alexander tried to fake a smile hoping his friend wasn't being serious.

At the response the general only smiled and reached into a leather bag tied to his side armor. "I was going to bring this with me but I think you should have it."

Hephaistion held it in the king's hand and smiled gently.

"Phai this is the ring I bought you. You stole it from a shop. I remember you were caught."

"I know, after we ditched Aristotle's class, when he sent us on a hunt and we went to the town instead, I saw the ring and thought of you. You bought it for me that day and this is what I came back with to Aristotle's class, instead of a boar. We got in big trouble."

"I remember that.' The king smiled. "But don't give it to me. It's yours."

"Alexander, keep it for now. At least until I get back." The general replied softly kissing him briefly on the cheek until they heard the sound of the men moving out.

Hephaistion backed away slowly from Alexander whispering 'I love you' before Alexander watched him leave following after the group of soldiers. He smiled at his friend before looking at the ring in his hand, rubbing the old thing over with his thumb.

The world around him spinned slowly, the voices of the men and people cleared out and fainted into nowhere, and the busy surroundings disappeared… then something clicked in his head. The dark memory of haunting words.

_The scuffling of the wild soldiers lessened. They couldn't believe what they had just heard. _

_None did. Not even himself. _

A simple tear fell onto the ring cleaning it of it's old grime. He could see, hear and feel the scene take place around him as if he was in the middle of it.

_He watched the clash between his two favorite generals. He saw himself storm into the middle of it scolding them both harshly but none more harshly than those words._

_"You are nothing without me Hephaistion!"_

"Alexander!"

He heard Hephaistion calling out to him and the scene dispersed immediately like nothing happened and it was all in his head. "Alex I forgot something."

Alexander looked up immediately to see his lover approaching him and he decided it was now or never. He needed to let him know what he never meant. But just one tiny step toward his lover the less he could hear him, the more he started to look transparent. Not again he thought. He tried running towards him before he had a chance to leave him again but another step, a strong wind blew by and the beautiful general faded before his eyes like a small grain of sand. Like he was never there.

Alexander did not want to accept it but right then and there he knew he had lost Hephaistion along time ago. So he just accepted that this was his reward for loving someone so much that he had to hurt him.

_**oooOooo**_

_It's only love and pain that tells me that I am no god Hephaistion. Coming from me I might not be the best at explaining myself seeing as where words got me now._

_The world will change now that I don't have you. It used to be so subtle when I was just a little prince. It used to be pure when I had you at my side through everything, with hardly any responsibilities. My only real responsibility was keeping you at my side. How have I repaid you? By pushing you more and more away._

_How can I say this best? I have left everything behind to reach the ending of this massive earth. But what did I gain?_

_I am just a portrait made of nothing, a statue with no perpetual existence. I only have one way out and the same way in but where's the one way out to get back to the beginning. I guess you just now told me that there really is no way back, that's why you gave me this token of you. I want to say it is a token of your love but now I can't know for sure if love even remains between us. It's only fear of loss that I now fully understand._

_Where has the time gone? I see your image in the air around me. Even though you didn't show it, I see you crying the day I told you what I never meant. I see your heart breaking apart and detaching from who you are, making you a free man. Finally free from me. You are so much greater than I. I can't believe it took that long to figure it out._

_Will the sun still rise and fall the same every day. Will I be able to look at the moon the same way I've always seen you. Can I look up to the sky and believe that you are shining down on me? Will you ever look to the sun again? Will the horses react the same way during the next battle? Will the generals respect me more as a king now? Will I ever be able to live after this or will I crumble with my kingdom. Or will my kingdom crumble with me._

_So many questions only you have ever been able to answer._

_I never realized how long you have been away. _

Alexander counted until he would completely lose himself in disgrace. He laughed knowing he deserved it. He pulled at his hair trying to gain control. He paced heavily back and forth. Light water came down his flushed cheeks and then he finally broke down. It could never be the same but he felt his skin being lit on fire. His eyes became lost in blurry torment. His throat became dry with left over pride. His body fell loose and then if it was actually possible his mighty heart finally stopped its long beating.

He once thought his heart would last. Longer than any man. Once he knew that wasn't true…It's only love that makes him human.

"Your highness what are you doing out here?" he heard the familiar voice of his friend Ptolemy.

"He's not coming back is he?" Alexander said helplessly. "I can understand why."

Ptolemy wondered what he was doing sitting outside on a chilly night. "Alex you are doing one of your sleep walks again." The general came and sat next to him and nudged him comfortingly knowing more and more things were bothering him. "You can't kill yourself over this. Hephaistion wouldn't want that."

"Yes I can. I'm king, I can do anything. It's a dream anyway. You're not here. I'm the only one who is so it really doesn't matter to me. I am stuck within dreams within other dreams and I can't seem to wake up. I don't know what he wants. I caught him Ptolemy. Like he wanted me too. Why am I still dreaming? I had him, I really did."

Ptolemy couldn't help but smile at how much he reminded him of the younger Alexander at the moment, getting deeply involved with such little things. "Alexander you're not dreaming anymore. It was a dream when you caught him, yes, but… you technically haven't caught him yet. He's out there still. He's still around. I suggest you get some rest old friend. I know I can't have a goodnights rest unless our king does."

"I'm not tired." Alexander replied.

"Alcohol will keep you buzzed. Maybe that's why Hephaistion wanted you to stay away from the cups? It messes with your head Alexander. It messes with us all." Ptolemy stated then stood.

Alexander had nothing to say.

"Come, mourning him like this isn't healthy." The general held out his hand.

Alexander nodded slightly and the general helped walk the king back to his tent. Ptolemy smirked at how fast the king passed out. Even if more dreams came to him he knew that was the only way he was going to learn. "Goodnight Alexander. I hope you find him soon."

_You're so close._


	6. Gotcha

**A Kingdom with no King**

_Gotcha_

_O_

His eyes opened again with the little rest he got and it somewhat comforted him. It reminded him he wasn't dreaming.

Ptolemy had checked on him a couple of times during the night just to make sure that the king was still in his tent. Alexander had a habit for sleep walking when distressed and only his generals knew of it.

The spazzy king was quiet and alone with his thoughts and to himself. He frowned slightly. He was still going through the after affects of heavy drinking and the only useful thing he had done that night was force himself to drink tons of water.

He leaned up in his bed rubbing his aching temples trying to massage the headache away. The nightmares. The memories. Just everything. But he knew it wasn't that easy to just open his eyes and everything would be back to the way it was. To suddenly feel his lover back in his arms. How unlikely that was. He didn't know why he was acting so pathetically and couldn't just move on without him…How unlikely that was after those words. The only one who seemed to move on from it was Hephaistion. He could blame everything that happened between Hephaistion and himself on the wine but that wouldn't be true. However he hadn't found a more sensible way of dealing with it yet.

He had regretted the words before they had even came from his tongue. The reason he had kept getting up besides peeing from to much liquid consumed in a short amount of time, not just because he missed his Hephaistion but also it heaved his heart how his friend turned his back to him with a unbroken smile on his face. In other words unforgiving. The general seemed unbothered, actually happy to be away for once. Away from his king, away from his job, away from everyone, but Alexander didn't want his friend to be happy without him, as selfish as it sounded. But everyone was selfish for something. It's okay to be selfish for love. Overall his father was and his mother was though they had provided different kinds of love and not the one Alexander actually sought. He couldn't imagine another life without he and Hephaistion at each others side.

He once again looked out the crack of his tent flaps thinking maybe Hephaistion would return any minute now. But he knew that wasn't going to be the case. He also couldn't sleep worrying about him. It was cold and murky very much like in his dreams. Very much like in his heart.

He knew he didn't have to worry though. Hephaistion was very capable of handling himself. He was trained a soldier. He was trained how to survive. Even without Alexander.

The king breathed. He is maybe king but unlike the rest he wasn't trained to survive without Hephaistion. He didn't want this to be another dream. He seemed never quite awake to begin with but watching the sage moon in the sky he knew what he had to do.

He stepped to the ground and reached for his Persian night robe and put it on over his naked body. He slipped on his boots, blew out the flickering candles killing his tent in darkness. He then fled the tent and towards the dark and foggy path just ahead of him. He stared thinking he was either mad or dreaming.

But he's chased dreams all his life… that is what made him great, so this couldn't have been any different.

Then he started to run and already he wasn't missing the wine. He wasn't missing his home. His gold. His lands. His people. He was missing him. He left the palace walls and into the path leading further into the darker world where he last saw his lover.

_**oOo**_

_Hephaistion! _

_I know I will never be perfect for you, and I know my pride has been insupportable and I have witnessed it through my own stupidity. Maybe I am stupid because even now I am hoping maybe we can talk again. Maybe I can actually listen to what you have to say this time. _

_I am calling out your name because of just that. It's been so long. Almost a whole day. I laugh at that because I realize that's not long at all. Please don't ever fade away, even if the reason you might want to is because of me. _

_Can you believe it, I haven't stopped running, not one bit while chasing you. But I realized I have been racing alone all this time. There was never the king and only me. I lost him somewhere along the way. I pray. Why do you think I am running to the ends of the world just to reach you? The weight is off me and so I am free. _

_My men would tell me that I am stupid, love sick. That it is pointless now and that fate has planned my life without you. My eternity without you beside me. They tell me that you are not worthy enough for me. But I feel that I am stronger than any fate and I say if I do reach you, it would be my greatest victory yet. _

_It might be foolish and senseless because I really, really thought we would last forever. I'm out of breath and you are way ahead of me. Now I know I don't deserve you because I can't seem to catch up. You told me if I ever wanted you back I would have to reach you first…but no matter how hard I run or how fast, I just… can't. _

_My legs are taking me far away and I have no direction as to where. For once I have no idea where my body is taking me. For the first time I am scared in an unknown territory. For the first time I am dead because I know you can live without me. Me and you? Phai and Alex? Forever. The bond should have never existed. How is it possible that we can carry on with out each other? You are all I see. And I understand why you can't see me. And I understand why we can't stay like this forever. Like Achilles and Patroclus. Because it should have ended when we were told it should. _

_Maybe this is how you planned it all along. Maybe you want to be lost from me. Maybe you never wanted me to catch up with you, did you? You finally moved on? I congratulate you Hephaistion, you've out done yourself and myself-the once greatest man that has ever lived. I never realized someone held the title before me. I am just self possessed, ruthless and a cruel bastard to treat you in this way. Why did you promise to be my Patroclus when I can't even be your Achilles? _

…_But…you are quite the silly one aren't you. You have always been that way. I'll tell you what, when I snatch you up I will hold you in my arms for your eternity. I love you and that is what you are forgetting. This is why I am chasing you, through the mist of the night down a path I don't even recognize now that the moon is up. I am only heading in the direction I saw you leave in, killing my own breath, ripping out my own air in my lungs, while I am leaving everything else behind. My men, my soldiers, my people, my kingdom, my pride…and I who did this to us. _

_They can look for me all they want, but I will not stop, not when I am this far. Not when I hear your heart beating this loud, not when I can smell your precious scent…oh and definitely not when I can see you._

"Phai!"

Hephaistion frowned thinking he had heard his name but just shrugged it off as he impassively walked down the dirt road to nowhere it seemed. He was rolling an apple in his hand and took a huge chunk from it. "Phai?"

The brunettes ears perked up again and he halted his footsteps and discontinued his munching when he heard his name being called again from a distance.

Thinking it was a threat he equipped his sword, then he heard it again, this time sounding closer and slightly recognizable and he slowly turned towards the direction. He squinted trying to see down the night path and recognized the little figure coming at him. "Alex?" he murmured the name, not believing it. The man came more into view, dressed only in his long swaying robe, chest completely exposed and Persian slacks and boots but how he forwarded from the fog and the way the moons vibrant light edged his face he looked like a god. A god he once knew.

"There you are. Now I have you." Alexander grinned.

The general smiled unthinkingly, and without a care in the world dropped his things for less weight, took another bite of the fruit, tossed the core Alexander's way and sprinted away.

Alexander frowned before ditching his robe to the ground picking up his pace and running by the dirty apple rolling opposite his way.

The two ran, playing cat and mouse, until they both wounded up into the dark woods nearby. Hephaistion looked both ways before he hid behind a tree to catch his breath and stop his childish giggles. He was covering his mouth and just when he peeked out seeing no sign of Alexander, he was tackled from behind onto the surface of the wet forest ground. "Gotcha."

The general was shocked, not seeing it coming when they both hit the ground, "Alex, what the…" the two rolled around the muck ground getting leaves and twigs trapped and strangled in their hair. "Alex, what are you doing…?"

Alexander straddling the older man and bringing his abandoned mouth roughly to Hephaistion's cool ones interrupting him, warmed them both up in a desperate kiss.

Hephaistion took the king by the back of his head and returned the desperation of their lips pressing and tongues gliding. The two friends seemed to be struggling in making love, still confused with their own personal feelings towards each other. Alexander held him tight, afraid Hephaistion was going to just disappear again. Like he always did.

"Where in Hades did you come from?" Hephaistion asked laughing while trying to shove his king off of him, pretending that the kiss meant nothing.

"Are you real?" The king asked touching all over his lovers face.

"Yes!" Hephaistion answered still amused.

"This isn't funny!" Alexander punched him in the shoulder, breathing heavily from fury and lack of air.

Hephaistion hit him clearly back in the face knocking him away from him. "Alexander? Why are you here?" the general asked before feeling the smaller frame jump him again.

"I came after you. What does it look like? And why did you hit me for?"

"Because you hit me first. Obviously, you stupid man, look at you, you're hardly dressed, it's cold out, it's dark and no one is here to protect you if something were to happen. Your timing is horrid."

"Because that's what you wanted!" Alexander angrily voiced restricting the taller frame from moving.

"Alexander I meant when you were ready too." Hephaistion said.

"You knew I would come for you. That's what you wanted right."

The general giggled. "Not like this. I was thinking it was going to be more romantic, like you pulling up in a chariot fully dressed, not smelling like wine and your hair crazy like you just woke up."

"Nothing ever pleases you. Well excuse me but I have been suffering since you've left and that's all you have to tell me!"

"Whose problem is that?" Hephaistion waited for the answer finding it amusing to see Alexander struggling to admit his wrong doing. But he eventually let it through.

"Mine." Alexander growled more to himself and less to his friend and finally released his lover.

Hephaistion just smiled at Alexander who was now looking away in disgrace. "Alexander look at me and tell me what you want to say."

"I have rethought over a lot; I became the man that I never wanted to be and I miss our old memories. I have responsibilities Hephaistion. Do you understand slightly what I'm telling you? I relive every aching moment I have shared with him. But it makes him happy to see me be devoured in this pain. The king hates me for loving you. Can't you see that? I am supposed to be conquering the world and you're getting in the way."

"Yes and you need me to get in the way Alexander, because I save you from yourself. I have responsibilities too and one of them is too take care of the things that you can't take care of and for me to be there. I am here for you. Everything I do has always been for you." the general replied seriously.

"Why are you acting like you don't care?" Alexander seemed hurt.

"Is this your way of getting fuel, or the strength to carry on with your everlasting dreams by blaming other people for everything that goes wrong? I'll be honest love. Sometimes I wonder if you have learned anything from me. Sometimes I have doubts about our love or if you even care."

"And I will be honest with you. Sometimes I wonder if you really even loved me and just used me for what you have now."

Hephaistion chuckled shyly. Hiding away behind shame not because he was in any sort of guilt but because he never used him for anything. "The words of the generals have really got to your head. Maybe all of this is my fault. After all it was I who told you, you would be the greatest in the world, that you were great at everything and when in time you would make it through anything. All of your dreams would come alive and you would make it further than even the best. I always thought of you as my future. And so here you here, bringing your vision to life just like I had told you."

Alexander came up to him, took the general by the throat snarling at him. "I just want to strangle you sometimes."

"Because I speak the truth Alexander but if you want to then do it." Hephaistion didn't seem to mind. "But I know you won't because you can't. And you wouldn't come all this way for me just to kill me in the end. What do you really want?"

Alexander quickly loosened his hand and took apologetically his lovers hand which felt like it remained in an angry ball since his fist met Craterus' face but hearing the king not reply Hephaistion snatched his hand away saying nothing, nothing that the king deserved to hear from his mouth. Hephaistion got up from the ground turned his back and walked away to nowhere, leaving the same way he did after the words said.

Alexander watched him for seconds before coming right behind him just following like a boy would a girl with a crush.

"Go away Alexander. Stop following me."

"No." the king replied stubbornly.

"Yes. Go away!"

"First I want to know one thing." The brunette was then wrapped in his lover's arms so large to fit the world, arms that used to protect him from anything. "Who am I to you Hephaistion? I know what you are to me but who am I too you."

The question hit him. The blue eyes stared at the vibrant moon ahead of them peeking down in the woods. "I once had regret." Hephaistion blinked feeling the regret running in his blood, in his grieving heart and now felt it seeping from his eyes. Hephaistion thought he didn't feel anything at all when his king said those words. But he did feel something, something worse than even the king had felt. "I don't really know who you are. You were a traitor today and my soul murderer and even after all of that mess I still wish to be apart of your life? I wish to be that same person that you can come to and trust? Who? Is it Alexander who promised he still loved me, the one who claimed I was everything to him? Pity the world has beaten me to him leaving me in inhibition. He still shines as my guardian angel that stays right beside me through all my sadness, all my pain, and he tells me he will always linger forever with me. This is the man that said those words, the traitor of my heart now pleads for what's best for me."

Alexander smiled regretfully knowing the general was going to say something like that but all Alexander wanted to do was get him to really admit it, his feelings towards him. The general shuttered as the strong arms and hands held him in another tight embrace. "I know I've hurt you and in doing so I've hurt myself but your Alexander is back Phai. So I want you to tell me how you really feel."

Hephaistion shoved him away suddenly growing furious. "I don't want him just back. I want him forever. You are nothing without me! This time it is my turn to tell you." He tried to hold in his own tears. "You want me to trust you as my guardian, lover, and king, the ruler of not only the world but my heart, something so personal and vulnerable to me? To protect and love me away from this world of dangers, jealousy and betrayal?" He stomped up to Alexander snatching his hands in his. "All you have done ever is abandon me, thinking you can own this entire world on your own. Well you lose again. And here I am again being the one to shake you awake once more. Do I ever get a thank you?"

Alexander vaguely smiled watching his lover getting enraged at him. It wasn't often Hephaistion would yell at him. Actually he couldn't remember the day he ever did. Accept he would remember this day forever.

The general wiped away his tears and faced him now trying to keep his calm. "I will tell you who is in charge of this love Alexander." He glared strictly. "I am. I always have been and always will be. You are my leader, and you are my king, yes, but I am your general, your lover and you're equal. Without me you have no one to run to who will listen to you the way I do. Remember that always. My love I hold for you is greater than any conquest you ever had or will have. My love is the reason why you still own a soul. Without me you are nothing."

Without thinking the general came up to Alexander and hit the king as hard as he could but all Alexander could do is stare lovingly at him, not caring much because he knew he deserved it. He deserved it all; any ounce of hurtful words Hephaistion could spew at him he was willing to accept. This way they could be even.

Hephaistion seeing his king smiling fondly at him backed away eyeing him suspiciously. Alexander got to his knees before his friend. "See what you have done?" Alexander stared into his questioning lover. "You've brought the king to his knees in complete worship of his soul mate. Phai, you are right. I am nothing without you. I never was anything until I met you. A prince sure, but if I didn't meet you I would have never became what I am now. I thought I was doing everything right in the world doing everything to impress you but now I know you weren't impressed at all. I was so blind."

The anger lessened in the general as he felt his own soul dying watching his Alexander on his knees before him. His fists loosened as he was being pulled down by his own weakening legs and feet. He came to his knees also before his king and they just locked eyes.

Alexander's calloused fingers came softly down his lover's cheek. "Look at what you have done to me. You perished my soul Phai." Alexander whispered.

"You deserve it." Hephaistion replied quietly looking ashamed.

Alexander smiled. "I know."

"So what now?" Hephaistion asked flinching abit when Alexander wiped the wetness away from his eyes.

The two were still acting shyly towards each other getitng used to their new reformed relationship.

"Can the kingdom be on its own for a little. Is that alright with you Phai?"

"Wait you've left the kingdom with no king?" the general seemed shocked, he just remembered Alexander was the only king their was.

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Would it be selfish if I said yes?"

"Yea. Would it be wrong if I left everything behind for you?"

"Yea. But I would rather stay in the darkness with you anyway." Hephaistion scooted closer to him slowly reaching for his hand and holding it tight. "I hope you don't mind. What's the worst that can happen?"

* * *

><p>Ptolemy tried once more to order the men to stay calm after realizing they couldn't find the king anywhere. His tent was abandoned of his presence whilst everything else he owned remained. "Men, settle yourselves. I am sure he will return." The general didn't sound to enthusiastic about it already knowing there was no hope when it came to Alexander, always putting them in unpredictable situations.<p>

Of course they refused to listen to anyone but the king and gathered the camp preparing a search for him. They were scattering about like mad men and Ptolemy rolled his eyes shaking his head towards the path Alexander took down after Hephaistion. Leonnatus and Perdicas came on either side of the curled haired general and sighed.

"So you really think he went after Hephaistion? In this weather? He's mad." Leonnatus said.

"Apparently madder than we realized." Ptolemy smirked.

"He's coming back though right?" Leonnatus asked.

"I'm sure he is. He just needs time." Ptolemy answered.

"What if he doesn't find Hephaistion?" Leonnatus asked again.

"He will. I'm sure he will." Ptolemy sounded confident enough.

Perdicas frowned. "Uh...so he's not coming back?"

**oOo**

_When I finish this hunt will you finally believe me? I think I deserve at least some of you if not all, for participating in this hide and go seek game you have going on…_

_Do you actually believe that I will fall dead, shattered lying pale in my own blood, sweat and tears before I get the chance to tell you those words I have wanted to say to you for so long. I promised it didn't I? I will say it as loud as I can because you deserve nothing more from me. So Phai, here it is._

_I am nothing without you or maybe just nothing without. In this kingdom there is no king. There might be people waiting to hear my orders, a queen waiting for me to return, a boy slave crying because I have left him and now he knows where my heart stands, soldiers fighting because they can not rule themselves, but when I take you into my arms and squeeze you for the last time, you will have proof that I have stepped out of my kingdom and into the world. Just for you. _

_It's never been about those words, it's always been about the chance to escape. From myself, from the orders, from the responsibility. And while I did it all for you, you did it all for me. _

* * *

><p>"What made you come look for me?" The general laid his head on Alexander's chest as they stared up at the sky.<p>

Alexander smirked. "Dreams."

"What kind of dreams?" His lover was curious sliding his soft lips up the king's stubble chin admiring him with a desiring fascination.

Alexander turned and looked into blue eyes of his angel, sorcerer and king. "Weird fucking dreams."

_**Fin**_

_**-Stranger**_


End file.
